There is a certain phenomenon that takes place when we have trauma while undergoing spiritual work.

Although we have the intention to awaken.. the web of associated beliefs, thoughts, and sensations that constitute the trauma, when triggered, seem to circumnavigate this intention.

If the somatic holding patterns in the body had a voice, they would say something like:

‘Come back to me!’

‘I’m more real than your salvation’

‘You can’t let go of me!’

‘You’ve tried this before and it never works’

‘Oh no, not this pain again (resistance, which then onramps us into familiar coping strategies, rumination and internalization)’

Thus, when we try to use a certain spiritual technique such as ‘rest as awareness’, it often fails.

This is due to the rubber banding and magnetization back toward familiar patterns, coping strategies and mitigation strategies.

Strategies that we don’t even realize are actually FEEDING INTO the trauma perpetuating itself.

In other words, needing to manage trauma is what is keeping it alive because the fundamental assumption is that ‘I am broken and need fixing’.

This can feed into a sense of hopelessness because our sincere efforts (often after years of earnest practice) seem like they just simply CANNOT overcome the hump of trauma for a sustainable enough amount of time as to cause a shift in identity.

A shift that, when realized, stabilizes us in a clearer view of the world that is much vaster and freed up from suffering.

Or, at the very least, has much more embodied perspective that trauma - even if it continues to arise - is not who we are.

So the question naturally becomes, how on earth could we then shake this phenomenon of being magnetized into trauma patterns?

How on earth do we shake ourselves out of this pit of succumbing to the artificially sweet magnetization back into our familiar stories?

To open up to qualities like joy!

To love!

To happiness!

To deeper insight that isn’t constantly contending with acute somatic pain and discomfort!

Which is what we want, RIGHT!!??

If the mind is already throwing up resistance at that with phrases such as..

‘Oh, I’ve read things like this before’

Or

‘This won’t work for me’

Or just a subtle blanketing sensation of hopelessness/doubt at anything having the potential to work…

That’s perfect! That’s what we need to feel into (more on this in a little).

Working with the Trauma Magnetization Effect Directly

For me, I think the foundational basis that sets up true change is most fundamentally the devotion to truth.

We have to be presented with enough pain and have our head smashed up against the wall enough times before we start to take radical responsibility for our situation.

We didn’t ask for this, we don’t deserve this - but yet, here it is - this unbelievable pain and suffering.

It’s right at my fingertips, and I cannot go anywhere anymore other than the immediate experience (due to spiritual maturation) and have no choice but to face this suffering directly.

To get here from an authentic place, maybe we just have to exhaust so many other avenues until something finally wants to stop playing games.

Avenues like

• Feeling like a victim of life (either overtly by demonstrating our victimhood from spiritual pain to others or in subtle ways within in our very minds) and thinking that any victim energy will get us anything other than more pain.
• Watching spiritual video after spiritual video trying to ease our pain, rather than sitting in our own direct experience in absolute stillness with deep curiosity pointed at questions like ‘why do I suffer’
• Distracting ourselves with the standard run of the mix: Netflix, porn, spiritual videos.
• Doing incessant trauma work trying to ‘fix’ ourselves without realizing the need to ‘fix’ is operating on the fundamental assumption that we are are broken.

I’m sure there are more (which if you’re reading something like this, simply look for yourself with genuine sincerity in experience with an inquiry (especially when you’re suffering) such as ‘what is it giving me to continue to buy into suffering?’

Until these fixations are seen at the level of the heart and we’re ready to take radical ownership of whatever arises, then we’ll have a difficult time shifting because we’re not coming from a sincere place.

We’re coming from desperation and fear rather than heartfelt curiosity.

So if you’re reading this and you want to genuinely explore this right now, I’d encourage you....

LOOK.

And look DEEPLY.

Spend an hour, a day, a week pondering questions like ‘What is giving me to continue to buy into suffering?

Especially when you’re acutely suffering with a somatic contraction flaring up - that will take you right to the razor's edge of authenticity.

Again, I want to stress deeply that I know that the mind will still probably have doubts if it’s been dealing with trauma alongside spiritual practice.

And you will FEEL it.

‘This won’t work for me’ alongside a blanketing feeling of doubt, pain, or frustration.

I get that.

So I ask you again... and this has to be felt with deep sincerity at the level of the heart...

Or to put it plainly, you almost have to let the SENSATIONS THEMSELVES tell you what exactly it’s getting for you to continue to entertain trauma and the need to heal it..

What is it getting for me to continue to buy into this pain?

It might be familiarity

Maybe it’s safety.

Maybe it’s fear that you’ll have to take more responsibility in your life if you open up to being free from trauma.

But what’s important here is WHAT IS AUTHENTIC FOR YOU.

Being willing to shift from what's familiar

So here’s the kicker.

Here’s the critical piece which takes a degree of insight.

We have to then DECIDE that we are no longer going to buy into believing we are small, being the victim, being traumatized, being anything other than pure light and infinite expanse…

MOMENT. TO. MOMENT.

This is a felt experience.

This isn’t a cognitive self-affirmation exercise.

We have to feel our whole mind, body and spirit shift into alignment of knowing that we are infinite.

That we are not bound by concepts and beliefs, and especially not our sensations.

Practically speaking (as is spoken about in many wisdom traditions), this might be the ‘I AM sense’.

Once we inhabit that space of ‘I am-ness’ with the decision to orient to more joy, infinite expanse and anything OTHER than self-limitation, we might notice how desperately the mind wants to cling back to its familiar narrative of trauma - playing small.

Maybe it says

‘Nono, I’ve tried things like this before’

or

‘Haha this won’t work for me’

or

‘Ahh I’ll just forget this tomorrow’

While orienting to infinite light, infinite expanse, warmth and joy inherent within the ‘I AM’ sense, you may then start to notice that you can almost DECIDE to plant the flag here.

But this isn’t a rigorous straining to do so.

It’s a softening with a gentle affirmation to yourself that ‘yes, this is true… this is home’ (as opposed to a furrowing of the brow and forehead and attitude of ‘I’M GONNA MAKE THIS HAPPEN!!!’).

No.

Gentle, light, and affirming, even if the mind feels like a jar of hornets.

But if the mind is really still running 1000 miles per second because you’re trying to do that from a deep place of suffering, magnetizing you back into that familiar space, perhaps you could investigate…

‘What is that getting for me’ again.

If that's too uncomfortable still, grounding yourself with simple grounding exercises such as feeling the weight of your body against the ground can also help to get leverage on this experience.

But then, return attention back to the narrative-less place of I Am.

Gently abide in this I am sense.

It accommodates all experience.

It even accommodates the pain, and thus does not bypass it in the slightest (another doubt we might have.. ‘am I spiritually bypassing by trying something like this?)

Decide to be free.

The mystical thing about the I am sense is that it seems to have qualities of warmth and power.

It has this gentle, loving, fierce quality that has the capacity to see through all of our mental fixations and illuminate them in the light of love to be burned - just like like a magnifying glass harnesses light that then has the capacity to burn things.

Simply decide to stay here.

Decide to stay with this quality of warmth, joy and acceptance as your new basis.

Disregard thoughts, and abide here.

The beliefs and views you have yourself that are SO near and dear to you.

• Of not being good enough
• Of being socially anxious
• Of being the person healing from trauma
• Of being the spiritual seeker who’s been on a path

Converge into the immediacy, the vertical moment of right here and now.

The only moment that has ever been

Again, and again, and again.

Softly, gently.

And intuitively recruit intuition when it needs to be more direct and harsh.

Once we’ve CHOSEN to abide here, to disregard anything other than warmth, joy and love - the fire of love will begin to burn up everything that is not serving you.

Through the diamond-like clarity of awareness and the attunement to the truth that you deserve this, that you belong here, that you don’t have to play small anymore - that you ARE infinite, unbound potential, that this is your birthright…

Anything at all that doesn’t suggest as such will begin to bubble up as strong energetic discomfort.

As if pus was pouring out of a wound.

As to not spiritually bypass such experiences, allow the burning light of love and awareness to infuse directly into those sensations while still holding a steadfast, gentle orientation to the energetic felt sense of your unbound, infinite being.

This is key, because if we emphasize the trauma too much once it arises, this can reinforce its realness.

It makes it solid and dense, and there is a certain magnetism to it that justifies its right to be there and remain stuck.

Why choose pain when we can choose to be joy?

But this is also freedom from extremes.

If we strive too strongly for joy by straining the mind rather than being gentle, we will suffer

If we strive too strongly to attune to trauma to heal it, we will suffer.

Be like water.

Fluidly dancing between masculine and feminine energies - with the fundamental acknowledgment underpinning this that you have chosen to be light.

You have chosen to be infinite

You have chosen to disregard absolutely anything self-limiting about yourself.

Doubt, shame, insecurity - all of it.

Let it BURN.

Let Christ enter your heart.

Let Infinite Love fill your being.

Let it all turn to ash.

Be reborn.

And stay here, day by day, moment to moment - with the appreciation that this is the new baseline.

This is a reality that you’ve shifted into.

You don’t need to re-read an article like this.

You don’t need to have a community to assure you that you’ve ‘got it’.

No.

You just BE IT.

Notice again if the mind doubts that it can harbor this energy.

Watch with gentle fascination how it WANTS to continue to play small.

No, no, I’ll just forget after reading this. Watch, this always happens…. Not me!

For your own salvation, stay steadfast in your decision to be infinite light.

And let the dharma wheel spin.

Let this new foundation deepen your insight into much deeper, richer places - beyond anywhere you could ever imagine from the small lens of trauma work.

May you be happy

May you find peace

May you be liberated.